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The Official AMZER® Blog | Extension of the AMZERIAN Community

Apple to announce iPhone 6 on October 22 [SATIRICAL]

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According to some very trustworthy sources, Apple will launch the new iPhone 6 on October 22 alongside their new iPad and MacBook Air line up, just over a month after the new iPhone 5s went on sale.

Our sources inside Apple’s manufacturing partner, pegatron, has revealed Apple’s plans for the iPhone 6, revealing pricing, colors, release dates & countries and loads more. The iPhone 6 will be the most radical change to the iPhone since the introduction of the iPhone 4, which prompted the screen density wars.

The Apple iPhone 6 is set to feature a 4.99-inch IPS touch display with an impressive 2,272 x 1,280 pixel resolution, that means a whopping 652ppi pixel density. The front will also feature a 5MP wide angled front facing iSight camera as well as a TouchID fingerprint sensor. The display’s side bezel will be a mindblowing 1.4mm wide!

On the inside, Apple put in their upgraded A7+ System on a Chip with four 64-bit processors clocked at 1.4GHz each, it also features a whopping six PowerVR SGX544MP4 cores. The same Apple M7 motion coprocessor found inside the iPhone 5s will once again be seen inside the iPhone 6.

It will also feature 2GB of DDR5 RAM and come in either 32GB, 64GB or 128GB storage options, the 16GB model will obviously be phased out with the iPhone 5s. Other inner hardware includes WiFi Direct, Bluetooth 5.0 Lower Energy, LTE Advance and HSPA+ connectivity. The battery has also been grossly enlarged to a 3,800mAh nuclear-powered unit.

On the back, the Apple logo has become LED backlight illuminated and the dual LED flash setup from the iPhone 5s has been replaced by a single Xenon flash unit. The camera is a 16MP iSight 2 sensor that is capable of recording 4K video at 120FPS. What’s more, the iPhone 6 camera has been centered horizon tidally, no longer being on the right rear of the device.

The iPhone 6 will be available in nine amazing anodized aluminum colors. The 6.8mm thick device is set to come in Albino White, Nigerian Black, Ocean Blue, Nokia Blue, HTC Green, Sun Yellow, Pumpkin Orange, Chilli Red and Tonsil Pink. The Space Gray option has been killed as Jony Ive misplaced his copy of 50 Shades of Gray for referencing.

What makes the iPhone 6 truly different is its ability to fold in half horizontally in order to fit it inside your skinny jean pockets. It features a liquid aluminum body and a Flexible AMOLED display which is why it is so bendable. Gorilla Glass has been dropped for Amzer ShatterProof, making it stronger than any other display on the market.

The iPhone 6 will first go on sale on November 3 in Albania, China, France, India and Zimbabwe, with the 32GB base model starting at a jaw dropping $749.99, or $349.99 on a two year contract. The second rollout will be on April 1, where the US, UK, Brazil and Japan will get the smartphone. Best Buy is said to offer $200 worth of accessories with the purchase of any iPhone 6.

The iPhone 6 will also not feature a 3.5mm audio port, opting rather for Apple’s new 2mm iSound audio port. The Lightning 2.0 adaptor will also see its debut, with twice the speeds of its preseason, but half the size, that’s right the Lightning 2.0 port will be just 2.2mm wide. The Apple iPhone 6 also features BeatsAudio, much like the HTC One.

The iPhone 6 also introduces the new iSmash feature which shows all unread notification if you smash the iPhone against a wall or other solid surface. iCharge will be Apple’s new Wireless Charging feature, but will use proprietary technology instead of many of the existing wireless charging standards.

Siri is officially being renamed to iKnow, because honestly, Siri does know, everything. The iPhone 6 packs a new predictive act feature, which lets you share status updates, texts and other content with a dedicated NSA analyst to analyze and ensure that you are not placed on a terrorist watch list upon uploading your update. Apple is said to be planning a huge marketing campaign in the Middle East to show off this new feature.

If by now you have not realized that this is entirely fabricated, satirical content, then I should tell you now, this is a joke. Enjoy your iPhone or Galaxy S or whichever smartphone you use and stop worrying about what the company is planning for a device over a year away!

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Written by Dion Guillaume

October 13th, 2013 at 12:16 pm